I’m not sure how to begin this particular blog. I just felt that I needed to write about it in the hope of clearing my head of negativity.
These negative thoughts popped in to my mind yesterday evening once I was alone. Perhaps subconsciously realising I was safe to bring the emotional pain up to the surface to be released.
So what happened to trigger these emotions?
I was out at the Butterfly & Otter Sanctuary having got discounted tickets through Groupon! I’d bought the tickets a week or so ago and decided that today was the day to check the place out.
Entering the butterfly house was amazing! It felt so magical, in fact I felt a little emotional being there to see all these wonderful different varieties of butterflies. All in different colours and sizes, some fluttering around each other and others just flying around, getting up close and then drifting back off. We spotted a lot in various bushes and had plenty of great opportunities for taking photos. The butterfly house was also home to lots of terrapins and fish.
As it was approaching the otters feeding time, we decided to head outside and have a look! We found ourselves a good viewing position and my full attention was on the lady who was talking to us about the otters as the guy threw food into the enclosure for the otters to chase after. Suddenly, I had a heavy tap on my right shoulder. It was my Mum! I was not expecting to see her there at all. It was a complete surprise that we should meet at this particular place and time! Then she went off to call my Dad to let him know I was here and it transpired that my older sister was also here along with her husband and five children and my younger sister was also here with her boyfriend!!
At the time I was just surprised that we happened to be there at the same time as them without any prior knowledge that they were going to be here. We just merged in with them and experienced the whole thing together. My sisters kids coming to me for cuddles or being with me to watch the otters. My younger sister calling me to show me things and my dad chatting away. It was lovely to be part of that. In fact not only did we enjoy the sanctuary together, we also went for a look around and saw some classic cars and the Buckfastleigh Train Station where there was a steam train and a little museum. We had a really great day out.
It wasn’t until much later that negative thoughts entered my psyche. As I said I was then alone (doing the dishes). I’m not sure what began first, the overwhelming rush of emotion or the thoughts. I was incredibly sad and almost a sick feeling. My mind was telling me that all my family had planned to meet up and the only reason I was there with them was pure chance. I hadn’t been invited, perhaps I hadn’t even been thought about to invite, who knows. That alone was enough to make me weak. “My family did not want me to be part of their meet-up”, this is basically the feedback my brain was giving me and it sucked.
I’ve decided to just accept that and try to take every positive I can from that situation. My mindset has changed quite a lot which I feel is really exciting for me. The situation doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Plus why should I make myself feel bad about something that wasn’t in my control. Why would I want to feel bad full stop?
Therefore I am grateful to have met them by sheer coincidence as it was a nice surprise to see my family members. I got to interact with them and had good encounters, encounters I wouldn’t of otherwise had. I got to see the excitement of my older sister’s children as they watched the otters swimming and eating. My dad was probably equally as excited and my younger sister calling me over to see certain things. I felt like I was part of them and they were happy I was there with them. I got to spend time with my parents looking at classic cars and enjoyed looking around the museum with my younger sister and dad.
By choosing to focus on these positive outcomes, I give myself the right to feel good about myself and my family rather than feeling heartbroken.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and take good care of yourselves.