Boring

(Transferred from Wattpad. Written: 10th January 2017)

You were talking to us about how boring some people’s girlfriends were that you knew, that you had lost patience with them as there were not able to maintain a conversation. At this point I started to feel odd as I felt that you were also criticising me as I would consider myself to be one of these “boring” girlfriends. You continued talking, digger a deeper hole whilst I began hating myself, feeling awkward and very on the spot. My eyes began to glaze over and I lost focus for a few seconds completely blanking you out to a background noise. Luckily the conversation came to an end so I could refocus my head whilst I muttered to my partner that I didn’t like that conversation.

Everything else seemed to be going ok that evening but when I got home that was still playing on my mind and it got to me more than I would like. I became upset and angry so the tears had to come. I had to let them out because I was going into a darker place where I was analysing myself and hoping that I did not come across in such a way but deep down thinking that you probably felt the same way about me.

But I was also thinking what does it matter to you? If these guys are happy with their girlfriends then that’s all that matters. There must be something about these girls that they are attracted to. You only know them skin deep so I don’t feel you are the right person to make a judgement about their personality. Also, I’m sorry if these “boring” girls are making you frustrated but just imagine how they might be feeling for a moment. It’s not all about you after all. Some of us are struggling daily to converse and maintain friendships and we already feel shit enough for it so we don’t need someone calling us out as boring when we do try but sometimes our mind has greater power over our body and we are rendered speechless. The brain fog clouds over and we can find no words. We are just glazed and staring in to the distance wishing we were alone so we would not have your judgemental eyes on us.

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