Hello again. We have touched down in London. Later this evening we are going to see the Harry Potter Cursed Child play in Theatre. We have part one tonight and part two tomorrow night so we are in London until Saturday.
We have left our beautiful babies at home (two pugs!) and my sister is housesitting for us with her boyfriend. I hope they don’t miss us too much. We have two pugs, one is a boy called Grimy who we have had since he was 8 weeks old and the other is a girl called Evie who we’ve only had since January, although she is 4 years old. Grimy will be 4 in May.
Following on from my post yesterday I was saying that I had to have a chat with my manager. She was trying to establish how she could help me and to be honest I don’t really think she can help me any more than she has already. I used to be working in the main busy office and on reception. This is at a GP Practice. Not good for someone with social anxiety! Instead of my anxiety diminishing with the exposure of human interaction I actually found it to get worse and I became apprehensive about every encounter. Over time this was taking it’s toll on my mind and body to the point where after discussion with my manager we decided that I would be able to come out of the office and do some admin work out of the way which as brilliant news for me! Unfortunately though this didn’t rid me of my anxiety. Instead I was filled with different worries. Worries about what my colleagues thought of me, if they blamed me for leaving them short and taking over some of the roles they used to do. I felt more awkward around them from then on and I feel like I’ve begun to segregate myself from them. On some occasions I am able to push myself to sit with some of my colleagues but at other times I wish to be alone.
Anyway, my manager was obviously concerned and wasn’t sure what else she could do for me. Once my full sick pay runs out I will be on half pay. Obviously this is something I worry about because we need the money. My manager did say that she is running a business. She asked if the job made the anxiety worse for me which I said yes and that I would’ve thought that I would have become more comfortable in the job rather than more anxious about it. We spoke about whether this job wasn’t for me and if I’d be better off trying another job. She said life was too short and that I should do what’s best for me. I was really happy for her understanding and this took some weight off my shoulders but at the same time I felt under some obligation to figure out what I was going to do and I currently have no idea what I can do. It was quite an emotional time for me. I was in tears for some time during and after that chat. I was very confused and distressed. I managed to pull myself together though and continued on with my work for the rest of the afternoon. I was thankful that I recovered and didn’t just go home.