Hi, my name is Rachel. I am 30 years old and I live in the UK. Welcome to my blog!! Follow me on my journey as I battle anxiety and depression.
Update
I thought I would post an update today about where things are with me at the moment as I've not posted much recently. As you may know from my previous posts, I did a 16 week high intensity CBT course to target my social anxiety and finished this at the end of June 2017. After …
I’m scared for the future.
I’m scared for the future today because my husband said that he might not come with me to a family meal. Sounds a bit dramatic, doesn’t it? What upset me is how bothered I was by the possibility that I would have to go without him. I was panicked in a split second. One minute …
Love is eternal
We often ponder the meaning of life or how to live well but when you know someone who is losing their life through illness it is alarmingly apparent. A dear colleague of mine had sadly passed away having lost her battle with breast cancer and in her final words she describes the smell of freshly …
Commitment issues continued
Read Part One Here! First of all I can officially announce that I am married! I did go through with the wedding despite my concerns. I wasn't able to bring myself to cancelling or delaying the wedding, after all I sincerely love my other half and wouldn't want to lose him from my life. And …
The Forbidden
You are the forbidden, yet you are desired. I know it is wrong. It is inappropriate and prohibited. But still I crave for you, to have my lust returned. I require your adoration, to feel wanted....needed I ache for more than I have But to ruin it all is a path I can't bear, the …
Commitment issues
I’m sat here looking at the keyboard wondering what to write. It’s been a while and a lot seems to have happened but somehow I’ve not found the energy to blog about it. The most predominant issue has been to do with my upcoming marriage to my fiancé but also the ongoing battle with my …
Getting to know you
With CBT I'm often asked to record a thought diary and more recently I'm starting behavioural experiments. I was at work one day and we were all to meet for lunch in the meeting room as we'd recently recruited new staff so it was a "Getting to know you" type of get together. Buffet food …
Rumination
I was at the Carphone Warehouse in Currys upgrading my phone when a man entered my personal space and I was momentarily perplexed until I recognised the man as a doctor from work. He began talking to me and we chatted for a minute or two until he went his own way. I think when …
Depressed Addict
There is something quite liberating about depression, who would have thought it? I no longer care about what anyone thinks of me, fuck them all. Words that I would usually soften or lies I would tell to avoid hurting your feelings is no longer a worry, I say what I mean and you just have …
Dead Eyes
Look in to my eyes There’s no-one there Not looking back Glazed, dead eyes No hint of acknowledgement Not even a twitch I turn and walk away Closed off from everything and everyone Leave me alone.
